Unconditional Love Does Not Mean Being A Doormat

Unconditional Love Does Not Mean Being A Doormat

Every once in a while someone claims online that I am not a spiritual person, or my NDE is not credible, because I assert my legal rights when necessary. They seem to think that a true NDEr is sweetness and light all the time and never stands up to someone who abuses them. That view is not the understanding I gained of unconditional love in the afterlife. 

Unconditional love applies to a person--not a behavior. We can love a person unconditionally and still hate some of his/her behaviors. The key is that we do not come to hate the person because of the behaviors. We do not judge the person unworthy of our love because of their hateful behaviors. That is the type of unconditional love I learned about in the afterlife. Unconditional love is love that does not judge a person unacceptable and unlovable because they make mistakes, even egregious ones.

We innately have and show unconditional love while we are in the afterlife. But we are presently living human lives, not spiritual ones. We are capable of being physically and emotionally hurt while in these human hosts. As guardians of our bodies, we have the responsibility to protect them from harm just like we do our children and pets. That responsibility gives us the right to stand up for ourselves and our bodies and to refuse to endure the hurtful actions of others. Loving someone and accepting them unconditionally does not mean we have to suffer abuse at their hands.

So many times we say to ourselves, "he didn't mean it." Or "I'm used to it. It doesn't bother me." Or we make some other excuse for someone treating us badly. We have been brainwashed into believing that we have to stay in an abusive marriage, job, friendship, family, or any other type of relationship if we love the abuser. We have been taught to understand and accept their bad behaviors and harden ourselves as best we can to their harmful effects. We believe this because our religions and cultures teach us to "turn the other cheek." That is a human concept of love based on dominance and submission--not a description of unconditional love.

Unconditional love allows us to love the perpetrator but escape his/her wrongful behaviors. We can leave the abusive marriage, job, friendship, etc. We can stand up for ourselves within those relationships and say: "I love you but I will not allow you to treat me that way anymore." Then, if the abuser is unwilling to change, we find a way to avoid the behavior, up to and including leaving. Perhaps Al-Anon says it best: "detachment with love." We can detach ourselves from being in the line of fire of abuse and love the abuser from a safe physical or emotional distance away.

Nanci L. Danison, JD, afterlife experiencer, attorney, and author of BACKWARDS: Returning to Our Source for Answers, BACKWARDS Guidebook, BACKWARDS Beliefs: Revealing Eternal Truths Hidden in Religions, and the Light Answers to Tough Questions series of CDs and DVDs (A.P. Lee & Co., Ltd., Publishers). Visit me at www.BackwardsBooks.com or watch me on YouTube.

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