Mostrando entradas con la etiqueta Happiness. Mostrar todas las entradas
Mostrando entradas con la etiqueta Happiness. Mostrar todas las entradas
24 mar 2014
13 nov 2013
Avoid Comparisons
Comparing ourselves with others can be damaging to
happiness and self-esteem. Instead of comparing ourselves to others,
focusing on our own personal achievement leads to greater satisfaction,
according to Sonja Lyubomirsky.
Savor Everyday Moments
Pause now and then to smell a rose or watch
children at play. Study participants who took time to “savor” ordinary
events that they normally hurried through, or to think back on pleasant
moments from their day, “showed significant increases in happiness and
reductions in depression,” says psychologist Sonja Lyubomirsky.
19 sept 2013
21 nov 2012
10 steps to lifelong happiness
WHY does happiness come so easily to some people? Here’s how to join them.
Happiness begins with a choice. So many people are waiting to feel happy. They think they will be happy when they have done this or achieved that.
But the truth is, enduring happiness is not a result of the things you have done, but the person you have chosen to be.
As a success coach, I have had the chance to examine the thoughts and feelings of hundreds of people seeking happiness. I have found that many people are so focused on changing themselves that they lose themselves in the process.
When I share this observation, all too often the response I receive is, “I’m just trying to be the best that I can be.” But what does being the best you can be really mean?
Here are 10 guiding principles to help bring you lasting happiness and fulfilment.
1 Take charge
The first and most important step in becoming the best you can be is to simply decide to be that person. Of course, that’s much easier said than done.
Most people find plenty of excuses to avoid being honest with themselves about who they are and what they really want from life. Make the choice to own up to your true potential and step into your brilliance.
2 Let it go
Don’t waste energy trying to change or alter things that are well beyond your control. Instead, focus on the things that are in your influence and find a peaceful acceptance of the rest.
3 Live for now
Don’t live in the past, blaming your current reality on experiences from childhood, early adulthood or even last week.
At the same time, don’t be so busy dreaming of your future that you overlook or waste the opportunities that are presented to you today. It’s important to accept the past, dream of the future, but live in the moment.
4 Expect the best
If you believe things will turn out well, they usually do. Likewise, if you expect to be disappointed or let down, it’s highly likely that will be your experience. Being optimistic is not about being naive or ignorant about potentially negative outcomes. On the contrary, optimism is about expectation: expect the best from life and it will deliver.
5 Back yourself
One of the most important ingredients in creating any success in life is to believe in it. You need to learn to believe in your dreams, your ideas and yourself.
Other people will always try to lead you away from your dreams, not because they don’t want you to be happy, but because they are governed by their own fear, self-doubt and limiting beliefs. When you truly believe, it’s amazing what becomes possible.
6. Give all you can
Be generous, not just with the gifts you give, but also with how you give of yourself. To be generous you need to give your time, energy and spirit. Be generous in your assessment of others. What you give will determine what you receive.
7 Get out of the way
So many people don’t take ownership of the myriad possibilities in their lives. They constantly blame other people, other times and other situations for their circumstances. The only person who can really hold you back in life is you. Overcome your limiting beliefs, ideas and attitudes and give yourself permission to truly shine.
8 Be grateful
Very few people genuinely don’t have enough money to get by and yet so many affluent, healthy people constantly
talk about all the things they don’t have.
A poverty mentality is a serious affliction. When you focus on how much you already have, your true desires will be easily met and you will also discover how little you genuinely need.
9 Keep it up
It won’t always be easy to do, be or have everything you want in life, but if your desires are genuine, over time these things will begin to come to you with ease.
Don’t give up or choose a more complacent path should this take longer than you might have wished. If you are committed to being the best you can be, then you’re already becoming that person.
10 Be brave
If you want to be the best you can be, you need to do the right thing, not the easy thing. I don’t mean right or wrong in a black or white, moralistic sense; rather the principle of courage revolves around doing the right thing for you and having the courage to do it, even if at the time it feels like the hardest thing in the world.
+ This is an edited extract from The Happiness Code by Domonique Bertolucci (Hardie Grant, $19.95).
Read more: http://www.news.com.au/news/steps-to-lifelong-happiness/story-fnejnnxf-1226514162687#ixzz2CqbLPyAk
Happiness begins with a choice. So many people are waiting to feel happy. They think they will be happy when they have done this or achieved that.
But the truth is, enduring happiness is not a result of the things you have done, but the person you have chosen to be.
As a success coach, I have had the chance to examine the thoughts and feelings of hundreds of people seeking happiness. I have found that many people are so focused on changing themselves that they lose themselves in the process.
When I share this observation, all too often the response I receive is, “I’m just trying to be the best that I can be.” But what does being the best you can be really mean?
Here are 10 guiding principles to help bring you lasting happiness and fulfilment.
1 Take charge
The first and most important step in becoming the best you can be is to simply decide to be that person. Of course, that’s much easier said than done.
Most people find plenty of excuses to avoid being honest with themselves about who they are and what they really want from life. Make the choice to own up to your true potential and step into your brilliance.
2 Let it go
Don’t waste energy trying to change or alter things that are well beyond your control. Instead, focus on the things that are in your influence and find a peaceful acceptance of the rest.
3 Live for now
Don’t live in the past, blaming your current reality on experiences from childhood, early adulthood or even last week.
At the same time, don’t be so busy dreaming of your future that you overlook or waste the opportunities that are presented to you today. It’s important to accept the past, dream of the future, but live in the moment.
4 Expect the best
If you believe things will turn out well, they usually do. Likewise, if you expect to be disappointed or let down, it’s highly likely that will be your experience. Being optimistic is not about being naive or ignorant about potentially negative outcomes. On the contrary, optimism is about expectation: expect the best from life and it will deliver.
5 Back yourself
One of the most important ingredients in creating any success in life is to believe in it. You need to learn to believe in your dreams, your ideas and yourself.
Other people will always try to lead you away from your dreams, not because they don’t want you to be happy, but because they are governed by their own fear, self-doubt and limiting beliefs. When you truly believe, it’s amazing what becomes possible.
6. Give all you can
Be generous, not just with the gifts you give, but also with how you give of yourself. To be generous you need to give your time, energy and spirit. Be generous in your assessment of others. What you give will determine what you receive.
7 Get out of the way
So many people don’t take ownership of the myriad possibilities in their lives. They constantly blame other people, other times and other situations for their circumstances. The only person who can really hold you back in life is you. Overcome your limiting beliefs, ideas and attitudes and give yourself permission to truly shine.
8 Be grateful
Very few people genuinely don’t have enough money to get by and yet so many affluent, healthy people constantly
talk about all the things they don’t have.
A poverty mentality is a serious affliction. When you focus on how much you already have, your true desires will be easily met and you will also discover how little you genuinely need.
9 Keep it up
It won’t always be easy to do, be or have everything you want in life, but if your desires are genuine, over time these things will begin to come to you with ease.
Don’t give up or choose a more complacent path should this take longer than you might have wished. If you are committed to being the best you can be, then you’re already becoming that person.
10 Be brave
If you want to be the best you can be, you need to do the right thing, not the easy thing. I don’t mean right or wrong in a black or white, moralistic sense; rather the principle of courage revolves around doing the right thing for you and having the courage to do it, even if at the time it feels like the hardest thing in the world.
+ This is an edited extract from The Happiness Code by Domonique Bertolucci (Hardie Grant, $19.95).
Read more: http://www.news.com.au/news/steps-to-lifelong-happiness/story-fnejnnxf-1226514162687#ixzz2CqbLPyAk
15 oct 2012
Be Happier in Business and Life: 10 Things To Stop Doing Right Now By Jeff Haden
This post is in partnership with Inc., which offers useful advice, resources, and insights to entrepreneurs and business owners. The article below was originally published at Inc.com.
Happiness–in your business life and your personal life–is often a matter of subtraction, not addition.
Consider, for example, what happens when you stop doing the following 10 things:
1. Blaming.
People make mistakes. Employees don’t meet your expectations. Vendors don’t deliver on time.
So you blame them for your problems.
But you’re also to blame. Maybe you didn’t provide enough training. Maybe you didn’t build in enough of a buffer. Maybe you asked too much, too soon.
Taking responsibility when things go wrong instead of blaming others isn’t masochistic, it’s empowering–because then you focus on doing things better or smarter next time.
And when you get better or smarter, you also get happier.
(MORE: More Turbulence for American Airlines)
2. Impressing.
No one likes you for your clothes, your car, your possessions, your title, or your accomplishments. Those are all “things.” People may like your things–but that doesn’t mean they like you.
Sure, superficially they might seem to, but superficial is also insubstantial, and a relationship that is not based on substance is not a real relationship.
Genuine relationships make you happier, and you’ll only form genuine relationships when you stop trying to impress and start trying to just be yourself.
3. Clinging.
When you’re afraid or insecure, you hold on tightly to what you know, even if what you know isn’t particularly good for you.
An absence of fear or insecurity isn’t happiness: It’s just an absence of fear or insecurity.
Holding on to what you think you need won’t make you happier; letting go so you can reach for and try to earn what you want will.
Even if you don’t succeed in earning what you want, the act of trying alone will make you feel better about yourself.
4. Interrupting.
Interrupting isn’t just rude. When you interrupt someone, what you’re really saying is, “I’m not listening to you so I can understand what you’re saying; I’m listening to you so I can decide what I want to say.”
Want people to like you? Listen to what they say. Focus on what they say. Ask questions to make sure you understand what they say.
They’ll love you for it–and you’ll love how that makes you feel.
(MORE: The Myth of Chinese Efficiency)
5. Whining.
Your words have power, especially over you. Whining about your problems makes you feel worse, not better.
If something is wrong, don’t waste time complaining. Put that effort into making the situation better. Unless you want to whine about it forever, eventually you’ll have to do that. So why waste time? Fix it now.
Don’t talk about what’s wrong. Talk about how you’ll make things better, even if that conversation is only with yourself.
And do the same with your friends or colleagues. Don’t just be the shoulder they cry on.
Friends don’t let friends whine–friends help friends make their lives better.
6. Controlling.
Yeah, you’re the boss. Yeah, you’re the titan of industry. Yeah, you’re the small tail that wags a huge dog.
Still, the only thing you really control is you. If you find yourself trying hard to control other people, you’ve decided that you, your goals, your dreams, or even just your opinions are more important than theirs.
Plus, control is short term at best, because it often requires force, or fear, or authority, or some form of pressure–none of those let you feel good about yourself.
Find people who want to go where you’re going. They’ll work harder, have more fun, and create better business and personal relationships.
And all of you will be happier.
7. Criticizing.
Yeah, you’re more educated. Yeah, you’re more experienced. Yeah, you’ve been around more blocks and climbed more mountains and slayed more dragons.
That doesn’t make you smarter, or better, or more insightful.
That just makes you you: unique, matchless, one of a kind, but in the end, just you.
Just like everyone else–including your employees.
Everyone is different: not better, not worse, just different. Appreciate the differences instead of the shortcomings and you’ll see people–and yourself–in a better light.
(MORE: The Worst Job in America)
8. Preaching.
Criticizing has a brother. His name is Preaching. They share the same father: Judging.
The higher you rise and the more you accomplish, the more likely you are to think you know everything–and to tell people everything you think you know.
When you speak with more finality than foundation, people may hear you but they don’t listen. Few things are sadder and leave you feeling less happy.
9. Dwelling.
The past is valuable. Learn from your mistakes. Learn from the mistakes of others.
Then let it go.
Easier said than done? It depends on your focus. When something bad happens to you, see that as a chance to learn something you didn’t know. When another person makes a mistake, see that as an opportunity to be kind, forgiving, and understanding.
The past is just training; it doesn’t define you. Think about what went wrong, but only in terms of how you will make sure that, next time, you and the people around you will know how to make sure it goes right.
10. Fearing.
We’re all afraid: of what might or might not happen, of what we can’t change, or what we won’t be able to do, or how other people might perceive us.
So it’s easier to hesitate, to wait for the right moment, to decide we need to think a little longer or do some more research or explore a few more alternatives.
(MORE: Improve Your Presentation in Real Time)
Meanwhile days, weeks, months, and even years pass us by.
And so do our dreams.
Don’t let your fears hold you back. Whatever you’ve been planning, whatever you’ve imagined, whatever you’ve dreamed of, get started on it today.
If you want to start a business, take the first step. If you want to change careers, take the first step. If you want to expand or enter a new market or offer new products or services, take the first step.
Put your fears aside and get started. Do something. Do anything.
Otherwise, today is gone. Once tomorrow comes, today is lost forever.
Today is the most precious asset you own–and is the one thing you should truly fear wasting.
Happiness–in your business life and your personal life–is often a matter of subtraction, not addition.
Consider, for example, what happens when you stop doing the following 10 things:
1. Blaming.
People make mistakes. Employees don’t meet your expectations. Vendors don’t deliver on time.
So you blame them for your problems.
But you’re also to blame. Maybe you didn’t provide enough training. Maybe you didn’t build in enough of a buffer. Maybe you asked too much, too soon.
Taking responsibility when things go wrong instead of blaming others isn’t masochistic, it’s empowering–because then you focus on doing things better or smarter next time.
And when you get better or smarter, you also get happier.
(MORE: More Turbulence for American Airlines)
2. Impressing.
No one likes you for your clothes, your car, your possessions, your title, or your accomplishments. Those are all “things.” People may like your things–but that doesn’t mean they like you.
Sure, superficially they might seem to, but superficial is also insubstantial, and a relationship that is not based on substance is not a real relationship.
Genuine relationships make you happier, and you’ll only form genuine relationships when you stop trying to impress and start trying to just be yourself.
3. Clinging.
When you’re afraid or insecure, you hold on tightly to what you know, even if what you know isn’t particularly good for you.
An absence of fear or insecurity isn’t happiness: It’s just an absence of fear or insecurity.
Holding on to what you think you need won’t make you happier; letting go so you can reach for and try to earn what you want will.
Even if you don’t succeed in earning what you want, the act of trying alone will make you feel better about yourself.
4. Interrupting.
Interrupting isn’t just rude. When you interrupt someone, what you’re really saying is, “I’m not listening to you so I can understand what you’re saying; I’m listening to you so I can decide what I want to say.”
Want people to like you? Listen to what they say. Focus on what they say. Ask questions to make sure you understand what they say.
They’ll love you for it–and you’ll love how that makes you feel.
(MORE: The Myth of Chinese Efficiency)
5. Whining.
Your words have power, especially over you. Whining about your problems makes you feel worse, not better.
If something is wrong, don’t waste time complaining. Put that effort into making the situation better. Unless you want to whine about it forever, eventually you’ll have to do that. So why waste time? Fix it now.
Don’t talk about what’s wrong. Talk about how you’ll make things better, even if that conversation is only with yourself.
And do the same with your friends or colleagues. Don’t just be the shoulder they cry on.
Friends don’t let friends whine–friends help friends make their lives better.
6. Controlling.
Yeah, you’re the boss. Yeah, you’re the titan of industry. Yeah, you’re the small tail that wags a huge dog.
Still, the only thing you really control is you. If you find yourself trying hard to control other people, you’ve decided that you, your goals, your dreams, or even just your opinions are more important than theirs.
Plus, control is short term at best, because it often requires force, or fear, or authority, or some form of pressure–none of those let you feel good about yourself.
Find people who want to go where you’re going. They’ll work harder, have more fun, and create better business and personal relationships.
And all of you will be happier.
7. Criticizing.
Yeah, you’re more educated. Yeah, you’re more experienced. Yeah, you’ve been around more blocks and climbed more mountains and slayed more dragons.
That doesn’t make you smarter, or better, or more insightful.
That just makes you you: unique, matchless, one of a kind, but in the end, just you.
Just like everyone else–including your employees.
Everyone is different: not better, not worse, just different. Appreciate the differences instead of the shortcomings and you’ll see people–and yourself–in a better light.
(MORE: The Worst Job in America)
8. Preaching.
Criticizing has a brother. His name is Preaching. They share the same father: Judging.
The higher you rise and the more you accomplish, the more likely you are to think you know everything–and to tell people everything you think you know.
When you speak with more finality than foundation, people may hear you but they don’t listen. Few things are sadder and leave you feeling less happy.
9. Dwelling.
The past is valuable. Learn from your mistakes. Learn from the mistakes of others.
Then let it go.
Easier said than done? It depends on your focus. When something bad happens to you, see that as a chance to learn something you didn’t know. When another person makes a mistake, see that as an opportunity to be kind, forgiving, and understanding.
The past is just training; it doesn’t define you. Think about what went wrong, but only in terms of how you will make sure that, next time, you and the people around you will know how to make sure it goes right.
10. Fearing.
We’re all afraid: of what might or might not happen, of what we can’t change, or what we won’t be able to do, or how other people might perceive us.
So it’s easier to hesitate, to wait for the right moment, to decide we need to think a little longer or do some more research or explore a few more alternatives.
(MORE: Improve Your Presentation in Real Time)
Meanwhile days, weeks, months, and even years pass us by.
And so do our dreams.
Don’t let your fears hold you back. Whatever you’ve been planning, whatever you’ve imagined, whatever you’ve dreamed of, get started on it today.
If you want to start a business, take the first step. If you want to change careers, take the first step. If you want to expand or enter a new market or offer new products or services, take the first step.
Put your fears aside and get started. Do something. Do anything.
Otherwise, today is gone. Once tomorrow comes, today is lost forever.
Today is the most precious asset you own–and is the one thing you should truly fear wasting.
8 oct 2012
The Best Possible Self Exercise (Boosts Hope)
There are many positive psychology
exercises individuals can practice to boost their well-being and help
them achieve their goals. The Best Possible Self exercise is one of the
stronger happiness exercises because it has good research support (see
below) and people tend to find the exercise captivating and at the
least, illuminating.
This exercise has been shown to boost people’s positive emotions, happiness levels, optimism, hope, improve coping skills, and elevate positive expectations about the future. It involves two basic steps: visualizing yourself at a future moment in time having accomplished your goals and considering the character strengths you’ll need to deploy to make that vision a reality.Here are some steps to help guide you:
- Take a few minutes to select a future time period (e.g., 6 months, 1 year, 5 years from now) and imagine that at that time you are expressing your best possible self strongly. Visualize your best possible self in a way that is very pleasing to you and that you are interested in.
- Imagine it in close details where you have worked hard and succeeded at accomplishing your life goals. You might think of this as reaching your full potential, hitting an important milestone, or realizing one of your life dreams. The point is not to think of unrealistic fantasies, rather, things that are positive and attainable within reason.
- After you have a fairly clear image, write about the details. Writing your best possible self down helps to create a logical structure for the future and can help you move from the realm of foggy ideas and fragmented thoughts to concrete, real possibilities.
- Be sure to write about the character strengths that you observe in this image.
- And, what character strengths will you need to deploy to make this best possible self a reality?
Examples
I’ve heard a wide variety of people’s best possible self stories. Here are a few (note that when you do the exercise you’ll want to consider far more details that these snapshots):
- I can envision starting a family and we are spending quality time
together vacationing and going to activities together in the city.
- I will need to use my prudence strength to map out my long-term finances, my perseverance strength as my spouse and I “keep trying” to have children, and my forgiveness strength which will help me “let go” of any blame I might impose on myself or my spouse as we encounter obstacles along the way.
- I see myself doing work that is meaningful and fills me with a sense
of purpose as I help people reach their dreams on a daily basis.
- I will use my love of learning and curiosity strengths as I return to school to study new topic areas. I will also use social intelligence by networking with people in the helping profession and staying open to emerging possibilities that might broaden my experiences.
- I have created a small business on the Internet, and with a few
employees helping me, I’ve found a way to shift from unemployed to
happily engaged in successful work.
- I will need to use my strengths of creativity to bring forth my new product, my judgment/critical thinking to devise many different marketing pathways, and teamwork to help me remember that this enterprise is a team effort and not just me alone.
http://blogs.psychcentral.com/character-strengths/2012/09/the-best-possible-self-exercise-boosts-hope/
19 sept 2011
Finding Happiness in Negative Emotions
Researchers from the University of Texas tested out a new experimental writing design comparing a novel emotional regulation strategy with two more traditional approaches.
In short, they compared two established strategies for increasing psychological wellbeing, emotional disclosure and positive re-appraisal, with an integrated approach based on the combination of acceptance and re-appraisal.
So where as past approaches have typically recommended telling others how you're feeling and/or re-thinking the situation from a different perspective this new approach recommended a combination of accepting the situation as it is and then, re-thinking by looking for positive lessons.
Interestingly, the new, combined approach proved to be more effective and the authors concluded that this may well be the optimal strategy for building happiness after adversity. "Negative emotions" are not always negative in the sense that they're not always, ultimately, bad for you.
n fact, in many instances, if we can create an experience of post-traumatic growth we can often mature and learn from and become stronger or wiser following what might be, in the short term, unpleasant or negative situations.
Practical applications of the research
So how, then, do we put this into practice...
...well, here are a few classic coaching type questions we hope you might find useful.
- What's really going on here? Realistically, what am I facing?
- What's the worst that could happen? What's the best that could happend? What's the most realistic outcome?
- What can I do about this?
- What strengths do I bring to this situation?
- What resources (e.g. other people) might help me deal with this situation?
- How bad is it really?
- How bad will it seem in a day, a week, a month or a year's time?
- What might I learn from this?
- When I'm able to look back on this and find something from which I can grow, what might it be?
Any other thoughts? What's helped you to re-assess and/or re-frame negative situations in the past?
Research update by Dr. Happy
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