Working Through Procrastination and
Achieving Your Goals
This article is one of a series on the Pattern System, a way of understanding personality that looks at the various parts of your psyche rather than your personality as a whole. Each article focuses on a specific personality pattern. This one highlights the Procrastination Pattern.
Read over the following statements to see if they apply to you under some circumstances:
- I avoid taking actions that I know are needed
- I can't get my priorities clear or make decisions that would allow me to take action
- I put off making needed changes in my life
- I get stuck in the middle of a project and let it slide
- I get distracted and forget about something that has to be done
- I avoid doing certain things that involve risk or putting myself out publicly
- I spend my time thinking, planning, or daydreaming but I don't actually take action
- I spend my time relaxing and enjoying myself rather than doing something important
- There is something I really want to do, but I never get around to it
- I start on a practice of discipline or self-care, but I don't stick with it.
- I miss a deadline for a project at work (or school) or stay up all night to get it finished
- I don't carry thru on something I have committed to do
The Procrastination Pattern is a trailhead to transformation. By paying attention to this pattern and exploring yourself, you can transform your ability to take action. This article can help you understand the Procrastination Pattern and learn how to accomplish what you want in your life.
If the above statements fit someone you know, this article can you help you understand them and how to relate to them more effectively.
What Procrastination Looks Like
If you have a Procrastination Pattern, you tend to avoid certain kinds of action. You may avoid tasks that have to be done that you don't particularly enjoy. You may also avoid things you really want to do, especially activities that involve taking risks and the possibility of failure. You may start a project but not stay with it or not complete it. Or it takes you so long to finish it that you miss important deadlines.
Procrastination usually happens out of awareness. People who procrastinate rarely make a conscious decision not to do something. They just go along with their lives, and after a while they realize that they haven't done the task. They got distracted with other things. They got lost in thought. They spent time relaxing, partying, having fun. Sometimes they worked hard doing things that were less important than the task they were avoiding.
For example, Sandy was working on a creative video project that she was very excited about. However, she felt that she needed to really clean up her home-office before she would feel comfortable doing it. And this seemed to take forever. Then she found himself exercising and cooking rather than working on the project. She finally realized she was avoiding it.
Sometimes it isn't a specific task that you are avoiding. It is the thinking and planning that would be required for you to take action. You never seem to find the time to do it. Alternatively you may think and plan obsessively but never actually make a decision about what to do. For example, Angie was tired of her current occupation and really wanted to find something that was more creative and meaningful for her. She made lists of interesting lines of work. She thought over different possibilities. She weighed the pros and cons of various directions. But she couldn't make up her mind. There were too many options; she felt confused. Then for long stretches she would just get caught up in her current job and life and forget about a new career.
As a result of procrastination, important tasks are left undone or get done late. Projects may be done poorly because they had to be rushed at the last minute. Life decisions are postponed. You may feel stuck in your life because the changes you want to make never quite materialize. Achievement and advancement are put off or abandoned because you don't take the steps to make them happen.
In Groups and Organizations. At work or school, procrastination often leads to missing deadlines for projects. This is a classic problem for students. Procrastination sometimes means not living up to commitments you make to other people in a group or organization. For example, Sean was given a major project with a deadline, and because he wanted a promotion, he committed himself to getting it finished and doing a great job. However, he seemed to get involved in chatting with co-workers a lot. He found himself playing games on his computer. He would then try to make up for this by working late for days in a row. This would go well for a while, but then the pattern would repeat. He would sit for hours trying to work on the project while his mind drifted off onto other things.
When You Procrastinate. If you have a Procrastination Pattern, this doesn't necessarily mean that you always procrastinate. It simply means that a part of you does. There may be other parts of you that feel and act differently. And your procrastinating part may be activated in certain situations but not in others. You may procrastinate at work but not at home, or you may procrastinate only about certain activities that frighten you.
Why We Procrastinate
The most important thing to understand about procrastination is that it happens because there is a part of you that doesn't want to do the task. This part is usually unconscious. You feel that you want to do the task, or at least you realize that you have to do it. But you can't understand why it isn't getting done. This is because there are two parts of you in conflict. One part wants to do the task, and the other part doesn't. In order to resolve this dilemma, you must get in touch with the part that wants to avoid the task.
Fear of Failure or Judgment. There are a number of reasons why this part of you might want to procrastinate. Sometimes it is an attempt to avoid failing at something or being judged as inadequate. You might even be afraid of being humiliated if you stick your neck out. Frequently the tasks that get put off are those that involve risk-making a presentation, calling people on the phone, writing and article or a book, proposing a project, applying for a job, starting a business. If you were judged harshly as a child by one of your parents when you did certain things, this could make a part of you afraid of attempting similar things now. If you were humiliated by your siblings or friends at school, this could make a part of you afraid to put yourself out.
For example, when Delores had homework for school, her father would help her with it, but he had no patience for the time needed for a child to learn things. He was constantly critical of her, and this made her feel inadequate. Now whenever she is faced with a task or project that could involve failure, she becomes frightened. The fear is unconscious but it makes her avoid projects.
Other Fears. Sometimes procrastination comes from a fear of rejection. You may avoid asking someone out on a date or going to an event to meet new people, because you are afraid of not being liked, not measuring up, being rejected. It can also come from a fear of disaster or danger. Anything that causes fear of action can result in procrastination.
Despair. Fear of action can be compounded by a hopeless attitude. A part of you may feel that no matter how hard you try, you won't be successful, you won't get appreciation, you won't be accepted or loved. This is often a defense against taking risks, and a very effective one. The hopeless part says, "Why bother taking action? Why bother putting myself at risk? I will just be judged or dismissed anyway." And so it procrastinates to keep you safe.
Avoidance of Difficulties. Sometimes procrastination is an attempt to avoid facing situations that are painful or difficult. You might avoid something that involves having to make a difficult choice, or confronting someone you are close to, or seeing how much pain a loved one is feeling. Jeff is a 78 year old who procrastinated about investigating assisted living possibilities because he didn't want to think about losing his functioning. Anything that you would rather not face can become the focus of procrastination. In most cases, you would never choose consciously to avoid it, but procrastination happens outside of awareness.
Some people are actually identified with the part of them that doesn't want to take action. If you are like this, you may not want to do tasks that you find boring or unpleasant that need to be done. You aren't concerned about doing them, even if not doing them makes your life more difficult. You may not care enough about getting a better job or taking care of your health. You may not care enough about your grades in school or paying your bills. You may feel that life is for enjoyment and having fun, and everything else is secondary.
Defiance. Procrastination can also be an unconscious bid for autonomy. If a task is given to you by your boss or your teacher, for example, a part of you may be angry at being told what to do. This part resents being told to do something boring or difficult. You may not be aware of the resentment because another part of you knows that you have to do the task, and that is the part you identify with. You are consciously planning to get the task done before the deadline, so you push your anger into your unconscious. But you do this at your peril because the time keeps slipping away and you aren't getting enough done. The resentful, procrastinating part is the one in charge. It is defying your teacher or your boss by avoiding the task, because it wants to be autonomous, and all this is happening without your being aware of it.
This kind of unconscious defiance can also be directed at a part of yourself. For example, Mike decided that he wanted to get regular exercise to improve his health. A part of him (let's call it the Driver) set up an exercise program that he was supposed to follow. However, another part of him (My Way Part) resented being told what to do, even by another part of Mike. The Driver and the My Way Part got locked into battles outside Mike's awareness, and the result was that his exercising was hit-and-miss. And he didn't keep up with it.
This dynamic often gets created when there was a parent who frequently told you what to do in a way that didn't respect your own needs and desires. For example, Mike's mother constantly nagged at him to practice his trumpet and made him feel bad when he didn't. She knew he had talent and she wasn't interested in how he felt about playing the trumpet. Mike's My Way Part resented his mother's invasion of his autonomy. Now in his current life, Mike's Driver has a style of assigning him tasks that is similar to his mother's style-demanding and critical. This is an example of the Taskmaster Pattern. This does not sit well with the My Way Part. Any time his Driver part sets up a task, it feels like another invasion and the My Way Part goes on strike. This is an example of the Rebel Pattern. Those two are constantly in conflict. In Internal Family Systems Therapy, this dynamic is called polarization.
Cultural Origins. Procrastination is widespread in American culture because of our over-emphasis on achievement and competition. Children get pushed hard to succeed, often early in life, either by their parents or their schools. And many are made to feel inadequate if they can't measure up to such demands or score high in the competition for grades. Therefore many of them rebel against this regimen, either directly or unconsciously inside themselves. And others end up expecting themselves to fail and become frightened of trying things. This sets them up for procrastination.
This is especially true for those whose natural inclinations are artistic, emotional, and intuitive, whose learning style emphasizes reverie and experimenting. These qualities aren't valued much by our intellectual, striving culture, and it is hard for these folks to succeed by the standards used in our schools and workplaces. This sets them up to feel inadequate or rebellious-and to procrastinate.
