28 feb 2013
Addiction and Narcissistic Shame
Active Sex Addicts Violate ThemselvesI used to think that I was the problem. Now I understand that it was my behavior and how I conducted my life that was the problem. Despite the bad choices of my past, I now understand that I am a man who is worthy of love and a good life, simply because I exist. Understanding this fully has not made day-to-day recovery easier, but it sure helps me get through the rough spots and gives me hope about life, and for myself as being a useful and good man.
- Damien, a former Sexual Recovery Institute client
While active in their addiction, sex addicts often nurture fantasies and engage in behaviors that are anathema to their core values and beliefs. Most often, their behaviors start out somewhat in line with their moral center, but as addictive patterns escalate, some progress from “vanilla” interests like soft-core porn and fantasizing about sex with someone met on Facebook to hardcore porn, illegal porn, affairs, voyeurism and/or exhibitionism, buying and/or selling sex, fetish behaviors, coupling illicit drug use with sex, etc.
Each time an addict violates his or her core values, he or she typically experiences an ever-growing sense of guilt, shame, and remorse. And because they are addicts, these individuals often respond to these uncomfortable emotions by “self-medicating” with more of the same addictive escapist fantasies and behaviors, thereby creating even deeper feelings of guilt, shame, and remorse. This defines the addictive cycle. Over time, as the individual spirals downward into his or her addiction, these negative feelings add to previously internalized beliefs like: “I am a bad and unworthy person,” or, “I am incapable of receiving love,” eventually becoming incorporated as an integral part of the addict’s personality and thinking. This negative self-talk is often bolstered over time by the consequences that addicts routinely experience as a direct result of their problem behaviors. For many such individuals, ruined relationships, lost jobs, financial problems, declining emotional and physical health, and even arrest can feel earned, deserved, and even unavoidable.
As my hidden sexual acting out progressed, I found myself getting turned on by more hard-core stuff, materials that I had avoided viewing in the beginning. Eventually I wanted to act these things out in real life, and I started playing out those scenarios with prostitutes. I contracted an STD from one (or several) of them and ended up passing it along to my wife, but even that didn’t stop me. In fact, when she moved out with our only daughter and filed for divorce, I just ended up acting out more often, as I no longer had to be accountable at the end of the day or on weekends. In retrospect, I see that when I first “crossed the line” I felt bad about what I was doing, but I still felt like a decent person. Over time, as the behaviors progressed, my perception of myself changed. The sexual activity still seemed bad, but my feelings about myself became a lot worse. By the time I finally got arrested, I truly hated myself, and I honestly felt like I deserved all the bad things that were happening in my life. Over time I came to believe that I was such an awful person that there literally was no hope for me, which made it easier to keep digging myself into a deeper and deeper hole. After some time in therapy and addiction treatment, I now see that these negative messages were in many ways already there, planted in me during my childhood. In essence, my addictive behaviors merely exacerbated the pre-existing low self-esteem and shame I’ve always felt.Healthy vs. Toxic Guilt, Shame, and Remorse
- James, a 47-year-old man, interviewed one year after attending primary sexual addiction treatment
In active sexual addiction, sex addicts (most often in secret) act poorly toward themselves and those they love. They engage in sexual fantasies and act out sexual behaviors that violate their own values, their relationship vows, and even the laws of their community. All the while they lie about what they’ve been doing to spouses, families, friends, bosses, and literally everyone else in their lives – all so they can continue to engage in their intensity based, repetitive, problematic patterns of sexual addiction, and, ironically, to avoid feeling more shame. Many sex addicts are actually quite adept at living a “double-life,” heaping one semi-plausible excuse on top of another, seemingly without a second thought, oftentimes convincing even themselves that the lies they tell are actually true. Given a sex addicts’ consistently deceptive behavior, loved ones often find it hard to believe that an addict is even capable of feeling anything like guilt, shame, or remorse. But quite often they do. For most addicts, when the sexual acting out is over, the negative feelings begin. And when an addict attempts to get sexually sober, these emotions hit doubly hard.
These negative feelings are not, per se, a bad thing. In fact, for a sex addict to experience some degree of guilt and shame after violating his/her morals and principles, especially when this has caused harm to the addict and/or others, is actually a good sign. It shows that there is an internal compass the addict can utilize to guide his or her future choices, that the individual does know the difference between right and wrong. In this sense, the “negative” emotions of guilt, shame, and remorse, which are directly tied to problem behaviors, can be catalysts for positive changes in behavior. These feelings can serve to discourage sex addicts from repeating their hidden past behaviors, at the same time encouraging the development of empathy for others and the making of amends to those harmed in the past.
Unfortunately, as mentioned in the opening paragraphs, for some, the internalized feelings of self-hatred, shame, unworthiness, guilt, and remorse are tied more to their sense of self than to any specific activities or behaviors. These individuals (most often with early life histories rooted in family dysfunction, abuse, neglect, and attachment deficits) begin to think that they themselves are the problem – that they are bad, unlovable people – and that their addictive sexual acting out serves as proof of this fact. When this occurs, a phenomenon generally referred to either as a “shame spiral” or as “narcissistic withdrawal” can leave the addict unable to see beyond his or her own shame, pulling the individual further into depression and isolation, both of which are serious obstacles to healing. The internalization of these negative feelings may also lead sex addicts to believe they are not worth the effort of recovery, that they have no control over their behaviors, and they do not deserve to be healthy, happy, and free from their addiction. When this occurs, guilt, shame, and remorse have become toxic barriers to recovery rather than a reminder that it is time for behavioral correction, apology, or both.
Flipping the Script
All addicts in early recovery are vulnerable to the “stinking thinking” caused by toxic emotions. Oftentimes they are facing for the first time the full extent of their addictive behavior and the destruction it has caused. For many addicts this can be somewhat overwhelming, and some may feel the only way to “turn off” the fear, anger, self-loathing, and sadness is to “numb out” with more of the same destructive behavior or, in extreme cases, via self-harm (cutting, burning, suicide, etc.)
As such, it is often a primary job of clinicians treating sex addicts, particularly early on, to help them understand that living in the past – a past that can’t be changed – helps no one. Instead, recovering addicts should focus on the present, on behaving differently one moment at a time. Wallowing in the wreckage of the past (or fear of the future) can and usually does keep addicts from doing the necessary work of recovery. Guiding such individuals into certain life affirming, esteem-building therapeutic tasks can be incredibly helpful. These tasks include:
- Attending 12-step sexual recovery meetings, finding a sponsor, and working the 12 steps. This encourages interaction with other recovering addicts, which is absolutely essential to sexual addiction recovery. It also helps the addict to become honest about what he/she has done and to eventually make amends, which usually goes a long way toward alleviating toxic feelings.
- Being better today than yesterday. This helps the addict to better understand that recovery is a journey, not a destination. Aiming for perfection is not realistic. A more reasonable goal for the recovering addict is to not repeat the mistakes of the past and to become, over time, a better person.
- Building a support network of peers in recovery, beyond just a therapist and 12-step sponsor. Remember, sexual addiction is a disease of isolation. As the recovering addict builds his/her support network and learns to trust these caring individuals, he/she is able to more easily reach for help when triggered to act out.
- Trying new and enjoyable activities with family, friends, and the addict’s support network. This helps the addict understand that even though he or she has made mistakes, he/she is worthy of a second chance and deserves a better life. It also provides the addict with new hobbies and interests he or she can engage in instead of acting out.
- Volunteering or being of service. This helps sex addicts see that in addition to harming themselves and others, they can also make the world a better place – and making the world a better place feels good. The better addicts feel about themselves and their place in the world, the less likely they are to act out.
- Gaining insight into the origins of the addict’s sense of shame and unworthiness. This helps the sex addict understand that his or her problem behaviors are a maladaptive attempt to self-sooth and make healthy connections, no matter how far off the mark. It also reinforces the idea that those behaviors are not a sign that he or she is inherently bad, unworthy, or unlovable.
- Integrating a history of past trauma, abuse, or neglect. Insight into past trauma, abuse, or neglect can serve as a vital source of shame reduction and self-forgiveness, both of which are necessary to healing and the development of a healthy life.
Robert Weiss LCSW, CSAT-S is the author of three books on sexual addiction and an expert on the juxtaposition of human sexuality, intimacy, and technology. He is Founding Director of The Sexual Recovery Institute and Director of Intimacy and Sexual Disorders Services at The Ranch and Promises Treatment Centers. He also founded the Stimulants and Sexual Disorders Program at Promises, Malibu. Mr. Weiss is a clinical psychotherapist and educator. He has provided sexual addiction treatment training internationally for psychology professionals, addiction treatment centers, and the US military. A media expert for Time, Newsweek, and the New York Times, Mr. Weiss has been featured on CNN, The Today Show, Oprah, and ESPN among many others. Rob can also be found onFacebook at facebook.com/RobWeissMSW and Twitter at @RobWeissMSW.
http://blogs.psychcentral.com/sex/2013/02/addiction-narcissistic-shame/
What Emotions and Cravings Have in Common
For
years I have been subscribing to a correspondence course that focuses
on different aspects of self-care and self-improvement.I like to save the lessons. Sometimes I also like to go back and read them years later. When I do this I often discover they are just as fresh and insightful as they were when I first received them (which either means I haven’t learned anything or they are timeless. Personally, I prefer the latter interpretation).
Recently I read an old lesson about how to deal with cravings. The advice was simple – ignore them. They are like waves in the ocean – they arise and then they subside. For a moment I thought I had picked up the wrong lesson and was reading the one about how to deal with emotions instead.
It seems that great advice has many applications. Even better, I tried it on my cravings and it works just as well as it works on my emotions. Yahoo!!
As it turns out, emotions and cravings apparently share a common DNA. They both arise and subside. They both happen rather routinely. They both can encourage us to do or say things we later really wish we hadn’t.
And they both are quite manageable if we know what to do.
Interestingly, I can easily visualize a future where I feel totally fine and happy in my life without having to deal with any cravings at all. I might still have preferences, but I think I would be perfectly okay with this. Preferences feel more like choices or polite requests from me to me, while cravings feel like mean bullies.
But to never again feel emotions – to feel sad, joyful, angry, afraid or content – is actually kind of a scary contemplation to me. It’s not that I don’t vastly prefer some of those emotions to the others, but would I want to give up on feeling all emotions just to avoid some? I don’t think I would. I’m not even sure what it would be like to be a human being without feeling emotions from time to time. I’m also not sure it would be a healthy experience to pick and choose among my emotions like that.
However, I can foresee a time when having emotions will affect me in less intense ways. In fact, I think I am already experiencing this – when I was in the grips of an eating disorder, I felt numb all the time. Then I started recovering and I felt fragile all the time. Now I am in strong recovery and emotions are a part of my life, not absent or the sum total of my experience of being me.
So the signs of progress are there. Best of all, I now have a new enhanced understanding of cravings thanks to all the work I continue to do around emotions. When I see cravings as random – like waves – some big, some small, some wide, some narrow, some gentle and some violent – they are much less intimidating and much more interesting to work with.
Today’s Takeaway: How do you deal with emotions and cravings? Do you see any helpful parallels between these two experiences in your own life? What works for you to be able to feel what you want or need to feel without being overtaken by your own human experiences?
Brownies photo available from Shutterstock
http://blogs.psychcentral.com/mentoring-recovery/2013/02/what-emotions-and-cravings-have-in-common/
27 feb 2013
What Do You Lose By Succeeding?
“Our
deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we
are powerful beyond measure. It is our Light, not our Darkness, that
most frightens us.” ~ Marianne Williamson.Many people fear success. They fear what they will lose by succeeding.
Life is made up of many life events strung together like lights on a Christmas tree. The string that holds all of the lights at short or long intervals is loss. Loss hold together all life events. We must give something up in order to gain something new.Each event in our life requires that choices be made. Take for example the woman who wants to write her memoir. Let’s call her Ellen. Let’s assume she is in her seventies, her children are grown, and she has a handful of grandchildren who are full of promise. She loves her family. She wants to write a memoir about things that happened in her life long ago. These things are the things we don’t speak of. These are her secrets. She is a great writer and has received praise for what she has published. She wants to write this book, but she cannot.
Ellen is stuck with fear. She is afraid of what she will lose if she succeeds with her memoir. People will know her secret, her children will know a side of her they do not know, and she will achieve notoriety. It isn’t the success that bothers Ellen. She would like to achieve that before her life is over. What bothers Ellen is what she will lose. Let me explain.
Ellen fears she will lose her anonymity. This is almost a guarantee. She will lose the way she is seen by her children. Also a guarantee. She will lose her secret, her privacy, and the story she has told herself about the secrets. Once a story is shared it is up for editing and revision by others. She will lose history as others have known it. History will need to be rewritten. She fears losing her children’s respect. She fears her children will relate to her differently. She fears it will not be the same.
Every life event, including the choices we make toward success, rewrites history. We will keep some things and we will lose others. Ellen’s secret is that she had two children before her children were born. Ellen was pregnant once by a rape and a second time by way of a one-night stand. She gave both babies up for adoption, went on with her life, and then met a man, married and had several more children. Her children and her husband never knew of the other children. Her memoir is riveting and a story about resilience, hope, love, and motherhood. She fears what she will lose by succeeding in the telling of her story; in the telling of her truth.
If you struggle with success you may want to ask yourself what you fear you will lose if you succeed. In my clinical practice this is a common theme of exploration. Sometimes a young med student fears finishing medical school or freezes up with her exams. What does she fear losing? Then there is the man who is unhappy in his marriage and he opts for an affair, rather than addressing the concerns he has with his wife. What does he fear losing? Most clinical examples involve fear, loss, life events, and success.
What do you fear you would lose by succeeding?
Take care,
Nanette Burton Mongelluzzo, PhD
http://blogs.psychcentral.com/angst-anxiety/2013/02/what-do-you-lose-by-succeeding/
26 feb 2013
Ciberterapias.com, un diván virtual - 25/02/13
La aplicación de las nuevas tecnologías a los tratamientos psicológicos es una realidad ampliamente consolidada en otros países pero todavía no en España. Con el objetivo de proporcionar acceso a terapias psicológicas a los españoles que residen en el extranjero y que quieren ser tratados en su propio idioma, un grupo de jóvenes emprendedores ha puesto en marcha Ciberterapias.com. Una plataforma de psicología online a través de videoconferencia. Hablamos en La lanzadera con su directora Lorena González
25 feb 2013
Finding Peace And Meaning In Death And Bereavement with Dr. Lani Leary
Lani Leary, Ph.D. specializes in work with chronically ill, dying, and bereaved clients. She
has worked for the past 25 years as a psychotherapist in private
practice, as a chaplain in the intensive care unit of a hospital, and as
a counselor in 6 hospices across the country.
She served as the director of mental health
services at an AIDS clinic, as a professor of Death Studies at George
Mason University, and as a researcher at the National Cancer Institute
of NIH. Lani has spoken nationally at over 250 conferences including the
American Holistic Medical Association, Virginia Association of
Hospices, Spirituality and Healthcare, International Sudden Infant Death
Symposium, and Omega Institute of Holistic Studies. She is the author
of Healing Hands, an internationally best-selling audio tape about
therapeutic touch and complimentary approaches to pain management. She
is certified in grief therapy, EMDR, hypnotherapy, and Critical Incident
Stress Management.
WEBSITE: Dr. Lani Leary’s website: http://drlanileary.com
24 feb 2013
22 feb 2013
David Eagleman, PhD
Se pública un libro del neurocientífico David Eagleman llamado 'Incógnito'. Las vidas secretas del cerebro que intenta arrojar algo de luz sobre qué es la consciencia. Lo publica la editorial Anagrama.
21 feb 2013
Neurogénesis y ejercicio físico
Neurogenesis y ejercicio fisico por raulespert
La clave para mantenerse intelectualmente activo a medida
que envejecemos tal vez no sea la gimnasia mental, como generalmente se
recomienda, sino la gimnasia real. Según un nuevo estudio, el largo y
lento deterioro del cerebro podría no ser inevitable. Por primera vez,
científicos han descubierto algo que no sólo desacelera el encogimiento
cerebral que se inicia en cada persona después de los 40 años
—especialmente en las áreas responsables de la memoria —, sino que lo
revierte: los ejercicios aeróbicos. Aparentemente, con apenas tres horas
de caminatas vigorosas semanales uno puede ampliar el flujo de sangre
al cerebro y provocar cambios bioquímicos que aumentan la producción de
nuevas neuronas. A medida que el cerebro envejece, el desgaste mental
que comúnmente se desarrolla después de los 40 lo lleva a procesar
información de manera más lenta, lo que significa que una persona demora
más en tomar una decisión o comprender información compleja.
Neurogénesis y enriquecimiento ambiental: Fred Gage
Los trabajos de Fred H. Gage, profesor de la Universidad de California
en San Diego, y del laboratorio de genética en el Instituto para
Estudios Biológicos Salk en La Jolla (California), ambos en Estados
Unidos, se centran en el sistema nervioso central adulto y en su
plasticidad y adaptabilidad a los estímulos ambientales que se mantiene a
lo largo de toda la vida de los mamíferos. Gracias a ellos demostró que
los seres humanos son capaces de producir nuevas células nerviosas a lo
largo de toda la vida, un descubrimiento que significó una revolución
en el campo de la neurociencia y eliminó un dogma que había retrasado el
progreso del conocimiento de la neurogénesis durante décadas. En la
práctica, se aprecia una correlación significativa entre el aumento de
la neurogénesis y el incremento de la capacidad cognitiva, de
aprendizaje o de memoria.
Neurogenesis y enriquecimiento ambiental: Fred... por raulespert
Neurogenesis y enriquecimiento ambiental: Fred... por raulespert
20 feb 2013
Encontradas relaciones entre los cerebros de humanos y pájaros para el habla y el canto
Llamar a alguien ‘cabeza de chorlito’ puede que nos ea en realidad un insulto: Los seres humanos y pájaros cantores comparten cambios genéticos que afectan a partes del cerebro relacionadas con el canto y el habla, según muestra una investigación reciente. El hallazgo podría ayudar a los científicos a entender mejor cómo evolucionó el lenguaje humano, así como puede desentrañar las causas de los trastornos del habla.
Erich Jarvis neurobiólogo del Duke University Medical Center en Durham, Carolina del Norte, y sus colegas descubrieron cerca de 80 genes que se encienden y apagan de forma similar en el cerebro de los seres humanos y los pájaros cantores como los pinzones cebra o periquitos. Esta actividad de los genes ocurre en las regiones del cerebro implicadas en la capacidad de imitar los sonidos y hablar y cantar, y no está presente en las aves que no pueden aprender canciones o imitar sonidos. Jarvis describió el trabajo elpasado 15 de febrero en la reunión anual de la Asociación Americana para el Avance de la Ciencia.
Los trinos de los pájaros son buenos modelos para el lenguaje, porque los pájaros no nacen sabiendo las canciones que cantan en la edad adulta. Al igual que los bebés humanos aprenden un idioma específico, las aves tienen que observar e imitar a otros para aprender las melodías y su dulce canto. Los antepasados de los seres humanos y aves canoras se dividieron hace unos 300 millones de años, lo que sugiere que los dos grupos, independientemente, han adquirido una capacidad similar para cantar.
Con los nuevos resultados y otras investigaciones recientes, Jarvis asegura: ‘Me siento más cómodo de que podemos vincular estructuras del cerebro de aves canoras a estructuras análogas en cerebros humanos, debido a la evolución convergente’.
El equipo de Jarvis analizó el tejido de todo el cerebro de tres humanos, midiendo la cantidad de moléculas particulares realizadas por un determinado gen para determinar su forma activa. Compararon los resultados con tejido cerebral de especies de aves capaces de imitar y habiles para el aprendizaje de canto -como pájaros cantores, colibríes y loros-, así como aves que no lo hacen, como palomas y codornices.
El aprendizaje vocal en aves y humanos comparte un patrón distinto de la actividad en aproximadamente 40 genes en regiones análogas llamados Área X en aves y cuerpo estriado anterior en la base del cerebro anterior en seres humanos. Estas estructuras están involucrados en la imitación.
El equipo también encontró patrones similares de actividad en un conjunto diferente de unos 40 genes en regiones implicadas en la expresión y producción de canciones. Para las aves el núcleo sólido de la acropallium, o núcleo AR, y para los seres humanos, la corteza motora laríngea. Estudios previos habían encontrado conexiones entre la laringe de la corteza motora, que se encuentra en una parte del cerebro que controla el movimiento voluntario, y las células nerviosas del tronco cerebral que controlan los músculos de la laringe, el órgano que produce sonidos. Conexiones similares se han encontrado en regiones análogas de los cerebros de pájaros.
‘Es una de las conexiones neuronales más fundamentales que conducen a la evolución del lenguaje humano’, dijo Jarvis. En el futuro, se planea investigar cómo la actividad de los 80 genes influye en estas conexiones y los circuitos del cerebro relacionados con hablar y cantar.
El nuevo trabajo también tiene implicaciones prácticas, dijo Simon Fisher, del Instituto Max Planck de Psicolingüística de los Países Bajos. Se trata de ‘cosas increíbles’, dijo, porque los científicos pudieron combinar los datos sobre la actividad de los genes en el cerebro con estudios que han descifrado el libro de instrucciones genéticas de las personas con trastornos del habla diferentes para identificar estos problemas.
Autor: Eryn Wayman
Enlace original: Bird, human tweets come from similar parts of the brain
http://es.globedia.com/relaciones-cerebros-humanos-pajaros-canto
Saul: Life in the Illusion Has Been Practically Lifeless
As channeled by John Smallman – February 20,2013
http://wp.me/pwoMa-seListen to John’s reading of this post by Saul here: http://johnsmallman.files.wordpress.com/2013/02/02-20-2013-saul-audio-blog-forfebruary-20th.mp3
Humanity has collectively chosen to awaken. Of course it could not have chosen to remain slumbering indefinitely, because slumbering is an illusory concept that is only possible in the illusion, but it could have further delayed its decision to wake up. However, once that decision was made there was no possibility of reversing it, because that decision started the awakening process.
It is a little like raising the blinds on a sunny morning, allowing the daylight to stream in and rapidly clear away the fog of sleep. Full wakefulness demands your attention and gets it, filling you with energy and enthusiasm for the wonder of Life and all that that makes possible.
It is the greatest of all the divine gifts that your Father has bestowed upon you, because it makes the others meaningful; without Life they would have remained unknown and unappreciated. Life in the illusion has been practically lifeless, and consequently most of your Father’s gifts to you have remained barely noticed or mostly ignored. When you awaken they will be instantly there to greet you, and your appreciation of them will burst into bloom.
Life, re-engaged within Reality, offers you astounding prospects the likes of which you presently cannot conceive of, because the limited sense of life and consciousness that you presently experience has no reference point that could meaningfully intimate Reality to you. You still need to heed the guidance that is offered to you from those in the spiritual realms, advising you to release yourselves from the grasping distractions with which the illusion endeavors to ensnare you, and then focus within, where you will uncover the truth of who you really are. That is a major step on the ladder to your awakening, so hesitate no longer; take that step and experience the new self-clarity with which it presents you.
Self-clarity is a major opening of your awareness that will occur when you disentangle yourselves from the distractions of the illusion. Quiet time alone each day is the secret to this task which most of you find very difficult. The illusion is extremely distracting because it seems to envelop you in every moment while those around you demand your attention either at home, at work, traveling, or during moments of social engagement. Taking time out, quietly and alone, releases you from these distractions temporarily, and helps you to learn non-attachment, a very useful and essential skill in your task of disentanglement.
Non-attachment allows you to observe the illusion without engaging with it. This brings you peace, reduces your stress levels, and enables you to avoid becoming emotionally embroiled in other people’s issues, worries, and fears. Then you can listen compassionately when requested and in so doing enable others to find some inner peace, because with the stable and accepting presence you offer them, they no longer feel a need to defend themselves or hide behind an attacking mask that serves the same purpose. And voicing their concerns in safety to a compassionate listener helps them to gain some clarity on the issues that are unsettling or disturbing them. Sharing your love and your Light in this way helps others to open to the loving energies that have always been there for them, but of which they were largely unaware due to the intense distractions that surround them.
You are the Light-bearers, the wayshowers, and the bringers-of-peace; and to carry out that task you must have found your own inner peace. Doubtless it will still get ruffled from time to time when the tensions others are holding cause emotional outbursts, but the very fact of taking time out daily to de-stress will most assuredly strengthen your resolve to be loving and peaceful whatever situation you may be dealing with.
Occasionally your own sense of being alone, surrounded by others who are seemingly unaware of any of their spiritual aspects, can be daunting for you. You feel that if you could communicate with another like-minded being it would be uplifting, strengthening your own faith in God’s infinite Love for you. If you cannot find a human with whom you can share your ideas, your anxieties, or your doubts, then do turn inwards for guidance.
Many allow their sense of aloneness to distract them from their spiritual calling, and they seek solace by joining with others in social activities, but that only serves to move them away from it. Resist that temptation and go within. Persist. Ignore the distractions of the doubting mind — “This is not working” — “I cannot still my mind” — “Why would anyone in the spiritual realms want to help me?” — and you will find some peace and loving warmth because we are there, awaiting your call with compassion and understanding.
We truly want to help when you feel down, depressed, or lonely. Please call. We will answer you, and you will feel comforted and supported.
With so very much love, Saul
Beloved Author and Thought Leader Debbie Ford Dies at 57
Beloved Author and Thought Leader Debbie Ford Dies at 57
Posted on February 18, 2013 by NCReview
By Laurie Sue Brockway
Debbie Ford, 57, the bestselling author and teacher known for her work in helping people break free of their emotional baggage and fears, died on Sunday, February 17, 2013 in her home in San Diego, Calif. She was surrounded by friends and family who gathered around her to lovingly send her off to her next journey.
Those of us who knew her, or were in some measure touched by her work, remember her as a physically tiny person who was a huge force of nature – dynamic, passionate, engaging, fearless, funny as all hell, and the person who always delivered laser sharp insights meant to help you grow, whether they were comfortable or not.
“From the time she was a little girl, Debbie was one of those people who had a strong mind of her own, and did things on her own terms and that is how she lived,” says her sister, Arielle Ford. “And she was always so funny! Even up to the end, she had us laughing. She leaves us with such an impressive body of work. We know that her contributions will live on through the millions of people she has touched with her books and teachings, and the thousands she has trained in her work.”
Considered a thought leader for her generation, Debbie burst onto the scene with her first book, The Dark Side of the Light Chasers, in 1998, showing the world that even loving and self-aware people have a darker side. She took readers on a journey of identifying, facing, and embracing their shadow selves. Her Shadow Process Workshop became the foundation of her work in nearly two decades to follow. She penned nine best-selling books and was working on her 10th book at the time of her death. Her books are translated into over 20 languages and have sold millions of copies.
She was a popular media guest, with many stints on “The Oprah Winfrey Show,” as well as appearances on “Larry King LIVE!,” “Good Morning America,” and “Fox News.” She also hosted a weekly radio program on HayHouseRadio.com. Having overcome a drug addiction, a difficult divorce, a heartbreaking betrayal, and many hard knocks in the University of Life, Debbie was never shy about sharing her personal story. In fact she often mused, with a laugh and a roll of her eyes, that a great deal of her wisdom and insight came through her own difficult life experiences. Even when faced with a grave cancer diagnosis, she opted for courageously sharing her journey. In an interview with Oprah Winfrey on OWN in 2012, she revealed the news about her difficult, yet often miraculous, dance with incurable cancer. She also shared her journey in her most recent book, Courage.
Debbie’s books are still considered pioneering work in the world of emotional and spiritual education. They include: The Dark Side of the Light Chasers (1998); Spiritual Divorce: Divorce as a Catalyst for an Extraordinary Life (2001); The Secret of the Shadow: The Power of Owning Your Story (2002); The Right Questions: Ten Essential Questions To Guide You To An Extraordinary Life (2004); The Best Year of Your Life: Dream It, Plan It, Live It (2005); Why Good People Do Bad Things: How to Stop Being Your Own Worst Enemy (2008); The 21-Day Consciousness Cleanse: A Breakthrough Program for Connecting Your Soul’s Deepest Purpose (2009); The Shadow Effect: Illuminating the Hidden Power of Your True Self which she wrote with Deepak Chopra and Marianne Williamson (2010); and Courage: Overcoming Fear and Igniting Self-Confidence (2012).
Early in her career, Debbie realized that one of her gifts was to bring large groups of people through the transformational process. To facilitate this work, she founded the The Ford Institute for Transformational Training and began to train others in her process. She trained thousands of transformational life coaches around the world to utilize her innovative coaching models, tools, techniques and processes to support others in healing their hearts, clarifying their goals, creating lives beyond the limitations of their old beliefs and behaviors, and embracing and integrating their whole selves. Her quick wit, ability to stand strong in the presence of human pain and suffering, and true belief that we are all encoded with the ability to serve others and love ourselves gained her the admiration and support of the greatest spiritual teachers of our time. She was known for her straight talking, honest approach to helping others heal their own self-hatred and release self-criticisms with forgiveness.
“It’s easy to love yourself when you feel good enough, when you feel special enough, when you’re loved enough, when you have enough money, and you’re appreciated,” she told me in a 2010 interview. “But what about loving yourself when you’re crying and you’re in pain, feeling powerless and hopeless; when you feel like a reject and nobody loves you? That is what shadow work demands from you. That you embrace those parts of you that you have deemed inappropriate or wrong. Maybe you’ve decided that you’re not lovable. Well, you know what? You’re both – you’re unlovable and you are lovable. And they both need equal time. We were birthed with one soul to take care of, and we must take care of it.”
Debbie believed wholeheartedly in the soul. She would often say, “The evolution of one’s own soul is a process. It’s not a quick fix. It’s not a five-day workshop. It’s a lifetime process where we let go, discover and then allow for futures to come into existence.”
She felt that acknowledging the mountains that stand in our way will create a path to freedom. “One of the biggest diseases of our time is people pleasing,” she said. “People saying ‘yes’ when they mean ‘no.’ Then they feel resentful. They can’t actually go about and meet their own soul’s vision because they’re too busy working on all these other people, or staying nice, or just thinking that they won’t be loved or they won’t belong if they’re not pleasing somebody else. When people start doing shadow work they often say: ‘I can’t say no to my mother because I don’t want to be a bad daughter.’ ‘I can’t say no to my husband because then he won’t love me.’ ““Or, ‘I can’t say no to my kids and set a boundary because then I’ll be a bad mother.’ The more we identify these things, then the more we realize it is related to something we were shamed for – such as selfishness. That’s a quality that most people hate about themselves. They don’t want to be selfish. But any quality that we make wrong or judge becomes part of the shadow – and becomes our nemesis.”
She made it her mission, day after day, to inspire people. She believed one of her greatest gifts was to help others accept their flawed and scared selves and to help them to embrace and even celebrate their shadow selves. She once described the shadow as “the parts of ourselves that we hide, deny, or suppress. There are parts of ourselves that we are unaware of or we’re in denial of or the parts of ourselves that we don’t like, that we feel ashamed of or embarrassed by, that we suppress. We spend our time, sometimes knowingly, sometimes unknowingly, hiding them.”
“In trying to express only those aspects of ourselves that we believe will guarantee us the acceptance of others, we suppress some of our most valuable features and sentence ourselves to a life of reenacting the same drama with the same outworn script,” Debbie told me. “Reclaiming the parts of ourselves that we have relegated to the shadow is the most reliable path to actualizing our human potential. Once befriended, our shadow becomes a divine map that reconnects us to the life we were meant to live and the people we were meant to be. We do have to, ultimately, bring the shadow out of the shadows and bring the light to it.”
Philanthropy: Giving Back
In 2008, Debbie founded The Collective Heart, a nonprofit organization with the mission to encourage people to make a difference in the lives of others, especially children. Inspired by Oprah’s commitment to educate girls and at the urging of her friend Vivian Glyck, founder of the Just Like My Child Foundation, Debbie and her son Beau committed to building the first “Children’s Academy for the Collective Heart” in rural Uganda. With contributions from around the world, the first school was built, and began educating students in the spring of 2009. Since its inception, the Collective Heart has raised over $350,000, and provided the resources and provisions for six primary schools to be built in two African nations – five schools in Uganda and one in Kenya – that will empower thousands of children over the next 20 years with the lifelong gift of an education. In her latest endeavor, Debbie helped inspire her community to raise $100,000 in support of The Girl Power Project, a dynamic year-long leadership training for adolescent girls in Uganda.
Education
Debbie earned her Master’s Degree in Psychology with an emphasis in consciousness studies from JFK University, and in 2001 received the Alumni of the Year Award for her outstanding contribution in the fields of psychology and spirituality. In 2003 she was awarded an honorary Doctorate from Emerson University, and in 2004 she received an honorary Doctorate of Humane Letters from the John F. Kennedy University Board of Regents.
John Lorber
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/John_Lorber
John Lorber (1915–1996) was a professor of paediatrics at the University of Sheffield from 1979 until his retirement in 1981. He was a member of the Nobel Prize committee. He worked at the Children's Hospital of Sheffield, where he became renowned for his work on spina bifida.
He is also known for his writings on medical ethics, against use of intensive medication for severely handicapped infants, and against active euthanasia.
In 1980, Roger Lewin published an article in Science, "Is Your Brain Really Necessary?",[1] about Lorber studies on cerebral cortex losses. He reports the case of a Sheffield University student who had a measured IQ of 126 and passed a Mathematics Degree but who had hardly any discernible brain matter at all since his cortex was extremely reduced by hydrocephalus.
The brain does not show up on X-Ray so it was only when brain scanning technology became available in the mid 1970s that these many cases of hydrocephalus patients with massively reduced brains came to light. Today, greatly improved standards of ante natal care mean that there are far fewer such cases for study.
The article led to the broadcast of a Yorkshire Television documentary of the same title, though it was about a different patient who had normal brain mass distributed strangely in a very large skull.[2]
Skeptics scoff at the possibility of a mathematics student having "hardly any discernible brain matter at all". They assert that Lorber was in error when he interpreted the brain scan.[3]
David Bowsher, professor of neurophysiology at Liverpool said "Lorber's work doesn't demonstrate that we don't need a brain", and neurosurgeon Kenneth Till said that Lorber is "overdramatic when he says that someone has 'virtually no brain.'" Lorber admitted it later, saying that he "was only half serious", but defends himself with: "I can't say whether the mathematics student has a brain weighing 50 grams or 150 grams, but it is clear that it is nowhere near the normal 1.5 kilograms.". In his later years Lorber expressed great sorrow that more attention had not been paid to his sensational findings.[4]
John Lorber (1915–1996) was a professor of paediatrics at the University of Sheffield from 1979 until his retirement in 1981. He was a member of the Nobel Prize committee. He worked at the Children's Hospital of Sheffield, where he became renowned for his work on spina bifida.
He is also known for his writings on medical ethics, against use of intensive medication for severely handicapped infants, and against active euthanasia.
In 1980, Roger Lewin published an article in Science, "Is Your Brain Really Necessary?",[1] about Lorber studies on cerebral cortex losses. He reports the case of a Sheffield University student who had a measured IQ of 126 and passed a Mathematics Degree but who had hardly any discernible brain matter at all since his cortex was extremely reduced by hydrocephalus.
The brain does not show up on X-Ray so it was only when brain scanning technology became available in the mid 1970s that these many cases of hydrocephalus patients with massively reduced brains came to light. Today, greatly improved standards of ante natal care mean that there are far fewer such cases for study.
The article led to the broadcast of a Yorkshire Television documentary of the same title, though it was about a different patient who had normal brain mass distributed strangely in a very large skull.[2]
Skeptics scoff at the possibility of a mathematics student having "hardly any discernible brain matter at all". They assert that Lorber was in error when he interpreted the brain scan.[3]
David Bowsher, professor of neurophysiology at Liverpool said "Lorber's work doesn't demonstrate that we don't need a brain", and neurosurgeon Kenneth Till said that Lorber is "overdramatic when he says that someone has 'virtually no brain.'" Lorber admitted it later, saying that he "was only half serious", but defends himself with: "I can't say whether the mathematics student has a brain weighing 50 grams or 150 grams, but it is clear that it is nowhere near the normal 1.5 kilograms.". In his later years Lorber expressed great sorrow that more attention had not been paid to his sensational findings.[4]
External links
- "Is the Brain Really Necessary?" at Flatrock.org
References
- ^ Roger Lewin (December 12, 1980). "Is Your Brain Really Necessary?". SCIENCE 210 (4475): 1232–1234. doi:10.1126/science.7434023. PMID 7434023.
- ^ The pressure from the fluid enlarged her skull. Although her brain is thinly spread, it covers her entire braincase, and it is sufficiently thick that she has about 2000cc of brain - it's just very weirdly distributed in an abnormally large cranium. So despite being told all her life that she had only 15% of normal brain mass, the people who told her that hadn't taken the shape of her cranium into account. http://www.metafilter.com/26688/Well-what-about-pain
- ^ http://www.flatrock.org.nz/topics/science/is_the_brain_really_necessary.htm
- ^ ibid.Today, Lorber's studies have lent important insight to the evolving study of neuroplasticity.
Clutter cleanse
1) Start with ONE thing. It’s so easy to get sucked in and try to tackle a giant pile. But that rarely works. We tend to get emotionally overwhelmed and stop. Trust me on this one. Choose one item at a time. It will get easier and faster as you go. You’re building up muscles and before you know it, it will be second nature.
2) Choose someplace for it to go. If you don’t have specific places to send things, it makes it much harder to let them go.
- I got a small box for the things I wanted to keep.
- I put several boxes in my garage for the things I was giving to the shelter.
- And I had a big garbage bag for the things that could be thrown out.
- You can put a box next to the garbage for things that need to be shredded.
It made such a difference to have destinations. I ended up shredding 14 bags of old bills and papers. (Don’t worry–there are shredding trucks in lots of places now, where you pay a bit of money, they pull up to your house and shred it in front of your eyes. And some local libraries and municipal centers have shredding days that don’t cost a thing.)
3) Tap on what comes up when you look at that one item you chose. Anytime you run into resistance, do this tapping and you’ll quickly clear out the CAUSE of the clutter, as you clear out your home and office! Feel free to change the words to fit what you’re feeling.
Karate Chop: Even though I dread clearing ALL this clutter, this is ONE item, and I can make a decision about ONE thing right now.
Even though I have a lot of emotions around my clutter… I do have support in these words, right now, and I’m energetically not alone. I can release this piece of my clutter and give it a new home.
Even though I’m afraid to lose this item, because of the memories I’ve stored in it, and because I might need it later, the Universe is abundant and loving, and I can keep the memories and the security without necessarily keeping this item. I get to choose.
Top of the Head: I do get to choose.
Eyebrow: I ask for clarity.
Side of the Eye: I ask for ease.
Under the Eye: I’m tired of being buried in clutter.
Under the Nose: I’m scared…
Chin: And I’m also ready to grow.
Collarbone: I’m ready to release this armor of STUFF…
Under the Arm: And let in the abundance that I’ve been waiting for.
Top of the Head: All the OLD is blocking the NEW.
Eyebrow: The noise of the clutter is holding me back…
Side of the Eye: And making me tired.
Under the Eye: I reclaim that energy now.
Under the Nose: I don’t need this thing…
Chin: To feel loved and safe.
Collarbone: I invite the memories to stay…
Under the Arm: And the Universe to wrap me in loving arms.
Top of the Head: It’s time to change this pattern.
Eyebrow: It’s time to feel easy in my world.
Side of the Eye: I can release this item to the Universe…
Under the Eye: And accept abundance in return.
Under the Nose: I can release my fear and confusion to the Universe, too.
Chin: And invite ease and joy to come to me.
Collarbone: The Universe can transform and create…
Under the Arm: And send me energy, joy and inspiration…
Top of the Head: So this is surprisingly easy… and maybe even fun!
Take a deep breath.
Notice what came up for you. Write down any strong feelings and thoughts and do another round of tapping. Remember, you’re building muscles that will change how you look at clutter forever!
If you want more support and guidance for this, we invite you to our call this weekend. Bring an item of clutter with you so you can build your muscles now! You’ll have support and will borrow benefits from others in the process of getting clear.
Saturday, February 23 – Clutter Cleanse! 2:30pm EST
Let’s Cleanse Our Clutter… together!
Make a Love Donation…or attend as our gift.
http://www.eventbrite.com/event/5579259716
19 feb 2013
Love Relationships
| Jeshua channeled by Pamela Kribbe Translation by Maria Baes and Frank Tehan Dear friends, I am Jeshua. I greet you all sincerely. I am here with a full heart. I want to share with you, for you are my brothers and sisters and I feel a deep kinship with you. I am neither more nor higher than you, we are one. We embarked together to plant the seed of the Christ energy on Earth, a seed that over time would slowly grow and blossom into a fully mature flower. This time on Earth is one of completion of that journey. It is a time in which many seedlings begin to develop, and in many ways you are the budding flowers. Together we form a unit, a collective of souls who dedicate themselves to the birth of a new awareness. So see me no longer as a master who stands above you, but as a friend who holds you by the hand and wants to share his love with you, because I do deeply love you all. You have an intense desire for love. You seek it in relationships with others, and also through a connection with the divine. But truly, what you are craving for lies within yourself; it is your own divine nature, the part of you that is one with unconditional love and joy. When you experience this part of you, it feels like coming home. Everything else in your life becomes easy, light, and joyful. You are at one within yourself and you do not need anything outside yourself to make you feel good. You are a unity unto yourself – and yet you feel connected with everything else in a deep and intimate way. What is paradoxical about relationships is that you can only be intimately connected with another person if you are able to embrace the oneness within yourself. If you are ready to accept yourself, with the burdens from the past, with your highs and lows – then there is space for another person with his or her unique individuality. Then you are no longer using another person in order to come Home. Instead, you share the Home you carry within your heart with that other person. This type of relationship becomes a celebrating together, a sharing, and that is a healing relationship, whether it be with a partner, a friend, or a child; it makes no essential difference. However, love relationships – partner relationships – are the relationships that call up the most in you. They touch you profoundly and stir up deep emotions, because they seem to hold the promise of coming Home like no other relationship does. Before I talk about love relationships, I would like to remind you that the Home you long for, that original unity from which you were born as a soul, is not far away. You can say that in the realm of time it was extremely long ago that you took your leave, symbolically speaking, ofParadise. That you went on your own path as a “soul in body” and chose a certain form in which to manifest yourself and undergo experiences and visit different places in the universe. When you were born as an individual soul and undertook your journey, you relinquished that primal unity, which you can imagine as a warm blanket of love and light that was so familiar to you. A unity where you always felt the secure presence of a Father-Mother-God, and so you were never afraid of being alone or rejected. These “negative” concepts were not even in your understanding, and yet an archetypal power was at work in God that birthed you out of the womb of this Father-Mother-God oneness. What was the purpose of that birthing? So you all could become independent gods! So you yourselves could become the starting point of a Father-Mother-God source of warmth and love from which an infinity of beings are created and emerge. But the farewell you bid in the beginning came to you as a shock. You realized that with this separation from oneness came the knowledge that in order to truly experience the process of evolvement, you could not know anything in advance. You realized you could only separate from that primal unity by going entirely your own way as an individual soul, who for the first time becomes acquainted with the fear and desolation and darkness of not-knowing and not-understanding. You still carry that original experience of desolation and solitude, which may arise very strongly in the arena of love relationships. But before I address those relationships, I would like to remind you that you have the possibility to experience that primal connection at any time. When you go into dreamless sleep, you leave your body and connect with the deepest source from which you came, with God, if you want to call it that, or with the deepest core in yourself: that part of you that never left Paradise and is still there. Although you left there billions of years ago, the oneness is still within you; it is an inalienable part of your consciousness. At night, if your mind is not too active and you surrender to sleep and to the non-physical realms that you enter, then, as you leave your body, you take in that Source and so refresh yourself. Also in your daily life, you can make the connection with this reality of the divine spirit, of which you are an intimate part. By becoming very still, you can feel that presence here and now. I invite you to feel how together, as one, we all constitute part of that original face of God. Imagine that in the middle of your chest, in your heart chakra, is a bright, beautiful crystal. Imagine it there and feel its power: a pure, clear crystal in which all facets simultaneously reflect your many experiences. This heart-crystal is also connected with everything around you. The feelings you receive from others can be reflected by this crystal, and so by receiving their moods and emotions through this crystal, you come to understand others. From this heart-crystal, you understand the experiences of others: their pain and disappointments are clear to you. This heart-crystal is connected to the hearts of all other living beings, because we all are one. And yet you can also feel that this heart, which you carry in your chest, belongs to you: it is your soul-heart. Feel how both aspects go together. You are connected on the level of the heart – a horizontal field that connects you with everything alive – so there is no separation as we all are one. Yet you are also “one”, meaning that you are you, and no one else is exactly like you. You are an individual being and there is a vertical line which connects you directly to your Source, to God. You are in this physical body, which is the bearer of your heart, your own piece of God consciousness. Feel the vastness of this crystal: the infinite consciousness that belongs to you and yet can go wherever it wants. It is not tied to this body, although it is in this body now, temporarily, but it is such a vast energy that ultimately it is not bound to any form. You are this consciousness; you have brought a piece of the divine fabric of the Father-Mother-God along with you here to Earth. You are whole and complete within yourself, and you are the guardian of this heart-crystal. Remember that, while we now look at the theme of love relationships. When you fall in love with another person, there is often an intense experience of delight at the beginning of the relationship. It seems as if something gets torn wide open within you, something that was long hidden and can be only unlocked by the look of that other. Other people do not seem to see that “something” within you, but your loved one awakens the naked beauty of who you are. Your passion and your enthusiasm for life return, you feel seen and loved, and you are going to experience your own depth – the wonder of you. That is what you experience in infatuation. And although it seems to be about the other, it is really about you, what the other evokes within you, which is delicious, a miracle! You seem to become awake only then and to feel how much you have to give and how much you can be loved. At that moment, people usually become intoxicated with the awe and wonder of this infatuation they experience, and they blindly attach themselves to the one who awakened this feeling within them. She or he has the “magic wand” in their hands, and what first led to a revelation, and a loving feeling toward yourself as well as the other, leads gradually to a flight from yourself, as you become totally focused on the other. Then begins a struggle with the other. You will want to possess the part of them that makes you feel so good. And the other often does the same with you, and you both become immensely confused by this tug-of-war. In this way, the highest that you can give each other eventually calls up the lowest, namely jealousy, dependency, and power struggles. This is an extremely painful fall that almost everyone has experienced in their life. How does this fall happen? There are two parts within you. From that heart-crystal I described, there is a love in you that can see the other exactly as he or she is, and can experience the beauty that is there. From this space in your heart, you can enter into an equal and balanced connection with each other, in which you acknowledge the divine in each other and in which you also do not lose sight of the human in each other. You grant the other their pain, mistrusts, disappointments, and resistance. But from your belly there is another energy at work, something that can be a very strong, disruptive force in infatuation. I call this energy the neglected inner child, who carries a very strong and deep pain within that goes back to that original cosmic birthing pain of leaving the Father-Mother-God oneness. This child also awakens as you fall in love, and this child has many emotions that can obscure your heart. These emotions can envelop the heart-crystal and cloud the fact that you are the source of the delight and bliss you experienced in the beginning stages of romantic love. Those feelings had to do with you and the space that you gave yourself, which was made possible by the other, but it still had to do with you. However, the child in you, who is in pain and crying out for the attention, love, and recognition it has missed for so long, may be tempted to take a kind of stranglehold on the partner; it wants to hold on at all costs in order to get for itself what it lacks. In this way, the child and the heart-crystal can end up on two opposing sides. What at first seemed to be very beautiful, turns into a destructive relationship where you are going to fight with each other and enter into a battle that nobody wants, but that happens anyway. At the time the magic threatens to disappear, you may become desperate. At all costs, you want to cling to your partner, because you once felt a sense of absolute love with that person. You are going to fight to hold on to them, and your oldest pains, your emotions of anger, fear of abandonment, hatred even, can come into play. It is very difficult to let go of the other person even then, because you will be driven by a reminder of how good it was when all was in harmony. It is very important that, at this stage, you know how to let go. The moment you feel your relationship going into a downward spiral, and you are going to accuse and blame each other, is the time to step back. You can injure each other so badly, precisely because you have touched each other so deeply, and that pain is hard to heal. So dare to take a step back when you feel that you are spinning out of control, that you are being swept away by emotions that prevent you from approaching your partner with an open heart. You may sense a deep fear of being abandoned, or just the opposite: a fear of connecting so deeply to someone that you lose yourself in it. There can be other emotions such as anger or jealousy, but what is important is that you notice how the most intense emotions are more about you than about the relationship. The relationship triggered the emotions, but they themselves stem from deeper causes. What matters now is that you turn toward the hurt and neglected child within, who is the real cause of your emotional imbalance. Doing that is not the responsibility of your partner. And you, too, are not responsible for the inner child of your partner. Making someone else responsible for your pain and expecting them to heal it leads to enormous confusion in relationships. So, how can you see when the relationship, which was initially a loving bond, is going wrong and is getting unbalanced? Actually, there are clear signs, and one of the ways you can find out is by symbolically doing an exercise with your inner child. Imagine you stand opposite your partner at this moment. Or take someone who is very important for you, if you currently have no partner, and allow your inner child to stand to your left. Simply imagine yourself as a child somewhere under the age of ten, and stand with that child to your left opposite your partner. Now see how the child responds to your beloved. Look at the first reaction of that child. Ask the child: “What attracted you to him or her? What did you find so irresistible? What touched your heart, what fascinated you?” And then you ask: “How do you feel now?” Did something happen to that original quality? Can the child still feel that love? In a healing relationship, that unique quality is still very much present. It feeds you still, warms you still, while at the same time your partner has gotten a more human form, with her or his own problems and ups and downs. However, something of that original magic is still there, and because of that magic, problems can be overcome. If you notice that the magic is absent, if your inner child actually feels unloved or treated unfairly, then there is something going on to which you need to pay attention. Take the time to discover this with your inner child. To clarify the situation, let go of the image of the inner child, and now imagine that you stand before the partner you have chosen and look how the energy of giving and receiving flows between you. First, see what you give the other and feel it, and it does not have to be expressed in words, as long as you sense it. Look at what flows from you toward the other, and sense how you feel in this moment. Do you become more energetic because of this giving, or do you feel empty and exhausted? Is giving inspiring, or do you become depleted by it? Hold on to that first feeling. After looking at what you give to the other, take a look at the reverse interaction. What do you receive from the other? Just rely on your first feeling as it comes to you. Does what you receive feel good? Does it make your heart more open? Do you feel happier about yourself as a result of what you receive? The essence of a healing relationship is that the other gives you something that creates joy in your heart. Finally, there is another sign of a destructive relationship. From your solar plexus – a spot close to your stomach – sense a “cord” of energy that connects you with the other. If you are sensitive, maybe you can experience that cord. What you are looking for is the feeling that you need to possess the other; that you panic at the thought that the other will no longer be here; that something pulls on that cord. If you sense that, then that is essentially an energetic umbilical cord that connects you with the other, and gives you the feeling: “I need them, I cannot do without them!” That panicky feeling shows you do not operate independently, or at least you think you are not able to do without the other, and such a dependency can lead to a destructive relationship. In a healing relationship, it is natural to miss each other if in one way or another you would be separated. It is natural to enjoy and therefore long for each other’s company. You may want the other, but you do not need the other. But in a destructive relationship, there is something malignant at work. There is a feeling that you cannot do or be without the other, that you are dependent upon them for your well-being – maybe your very life! – and this substantially weakens you. There is a deep fear of possible rejection by the other, and that makes you feel small and constricted, and the whole relationship no longer has that joyful spaciousness and freedom it had in the beginning. Try to feel these things for yourself, calmly, in your own way. And do not be afraid to make room in the relationship to allow yourself to feel this kind of thing. Because once you find yourself in a negative spiral in a relationship, it is often necessary that the partners distance themselves from each other, physically and emotionally, in order to realize where they each stand. At such a time, it is often not useful to try to talk things out. It is necessary that your energy fields first become free from each other in order to gain sufficient space to come back to the center of your heart-crystal. Descend with your awareness inside that beautiful clear crystal that is your essence. Do not depend on others to experience that in you; it is there for you – always. It is the whisper of God you can hear in the silence. Feel then how, from this crystal, light rays shine onto the child in you that still suffers pain and who is still seeking outside itself for acceptance and love and security. Let your light rays fall on that child, and you can literally see that the crystal light seems to anchor itself by flowing deeper and deeper down through your belly and all the way down through your legs into the Earth. This is your light, your unique Soul Light! You are here to experience this light in a body on Earth. Your particular light is unique, it is your Angel Light, and if you remain connected with it, then you attract healing relationships in your life. You have no “need” for another. And you also have no need to make another into something “perfect”: someone who finally sees you in the perspective you desire, and who unconditionally understands and embraces you in the way you want them to. Unconditional acceptance and love is to be found only in your own heart – by and for yourself. Do not burden another with that duty. That absolute love is something between you and your Self. This you can only give to yourself, and when you do, you will become a fountain of love for others, because you then have become completely honest and true with yourself. You love yourself, including the dark part: that child in you who struggles sometimes and is tormented. When you love yourself, it is easier for you to see the other person in a true perspective. You no longer have to take so personally the sometimes offensive or hurtful things that she or he says or does. Their actions and reactions belong to them, and it becomes easier to not respond too emotionally to it. The other person is no longer responsible for your soul’s salvation – you are. You are the master of your world, your reality. You all are on this path to self-realization, and already you are touching other people with your heart-crystal: you are giving sparks of love and hope to them. I thank you for coming to Earth at this time, in this period of change and transition. I am with you and I care for you deeply. You are my brothers and sisters, and I love you. © Pamela Kribbe www.jeshua.net |
18 feb 2013
17 feb 2013
10 consejos para encontrar empleo en España
http://managersmagazine.com/index.php/2013/02/10-consejos-para-encontrar-empleo-en-espana/
1. Domina Internet: Una de las formas más utilizadas para encontrar empleo en España
es a través de buscadores que se ajusten a tus necesidades y a tu
mercado laboral, puesto que permiten economizar tiempo y dinero en
desplazamientos. Mi único consejo es que no vayas a los mismos de
siempre u obtendrás los mismos resultados de siempre. No todas las
soluciones valen para todo el mundo, depende mucho de qué tipo de
trabajo busques: cualificado, sin cualificar, directivo, bolsas de
empleo locales…
2. Relaciónate: las redes sociales, las páginas de empleo, y en general buscar por Internet es ahora mismo un must,
pero no te obsesiones y diversifica un poco. El trato personalizado
supone adelantarse dos o tres pasos, supone saltarte la llamada
telefónica de recursos humanos, el psicotécnico, la dinámica de grupo…
etc. Cualquier vendedor de puerta fría sabe que una visita vale más que
100 llamadas: pregunta a tus conocidos, visita empresas, sé activo.
Luego seguramente tengas que hacer los mismos trámites que los demás,
pero ya no serás el candidato número 87, serás “el chico tan simpático que estuvo aquí el otro día”.
3. Movilízate: una de
las preguntas más habituales en una entrevista de trabajo será respecto a
tu disponibilidad para viajar al extranjero, para residir fuera por
largos períodos o incluso para trabajar en otra ciudad o comunidad
autónoma. Considera primero que las oportunidades a veces pueden no
volver a llamar a tu puerta. Si ya tienes la disposición a viajar o
establecerte en otra ciudad, analiza el nivel de desempleo por ciudades y
comunidades: no sólo en Andalucía o Extremadura vas a encontrar mucho
más desempleo que en Madrid o en Valencia, sino que esto influye también
en los salarios. Haz un pequeño “estudio de mercado” antes de enviar
currículums sin enfocarte.
4. Sé humilde. No
empieces imponiendo tus condiciones: el mercado laboral, como todo
mercado tiene su oferta y su demanda, y en este momento los empleadores
emplean el menor detalle para filtrar candidatos. No significa aceptar
todo lo que te pongan delante y decir a todo que sí, pero trata de dejar
a un lado esa actitud de “yo por menos de X dinero no me levanto”.
5. Insiste: el empleo
es como el deporte o el estudio. Si lo dejas por mucho tiempo, retomarlo
es cada vez más difícil, te arriesgas a convertirte en lo que se llama
parado “estructural”. Los expertos suelen coincidir en que se vuelve un
problema psicológico de inseguridad profesional. Asi que desarrolla tu
músculo emprendedor y no abandones en tu empeño de encontrar trabajo,
por muchas experiencias negativas que encuentres.
6. Enfoca: ir a “por
todo” cada vez es más difícil, ya que la especialización se valora. Si
tienes un perfil polivalente haz dos o tres currículum diferentes para
cada tipo de trabajo / sector, e intenta buscar sinergias entre tus
competencias y sectores.
7. Fórmate: En España hay centenares de cursos gratuitos para empleados y desempleados. No pierdas el tiempo y acumula conocimientos relevantes
para tu profesión deseada. Si tienes un período muy largo sin
experiencia profesional podrás justificarlo más fácilmente que si no
hiciste nada.
8. Diferénciate:
apuesta fuerte. Estudia finlandés. Especialízate en dermoestética
canina. Haz un máster en carpintería. Lo que sea pero no hagas lo mismo
que los demás. ¿Cuanta gente no habla ya inglés?
9. Cuida tu aspecto: te
puede llegar a definir más que tus palabras. Ir bien aseado, con el
pelo recogido o cuidado, afeitado, etc tiene un coste casi cero. Parece
mentira pero muchos empleadores no te elegirán si llevas un vistoso
piercing o un peinado muy llamativo. Y si tienes que invertir en algo y
te lo puedes permitir, mi consejo personal es que inviertas algo en un
buen traje, no de marca ostentosa sino que te haga sentir guapo y
cómodo. Así transmitirás esa seguridad en ti mismo que necesitas tanto
en una entrevista.
10. Ten un plan: no se
puede salir ni a comprar el periódico con un pequeño plan. Igual luego
te olvidas las llaves o el dinero. Piensa en tu carrera como si fuera un
proyecto. Algunas partes no son necesariamente divertidas o ideales,
pero pueden ayudarte a acercarte al objetivo final.
Clinical efficacy and potential mechanisms of neurofeedback by Sharon Niv
- Sharon Niv
,
Abstract
Although many psychological disorders have significant basis in neurobiological dysfunction, most treatment approaches either neglect biological aspects of the problem, or approach dysfunction through pharmacological treatment alone, which may expose individuals to negative side effects. In recent decades, neurofeedback has been promoted as an alternative approach to treating neurobiological dysfunction. Neurofeedback helps individuals gain control over subtle brain activity fluctuations through real-time rewards for pre-established target brainwave frequencies at specific cortical locations. This paper reviews the effectiveness of neurofeedback in a range of conditions, including ADHD, autism spectrum disorders, substance use, PTSD, and learning difficulties. Neurofeedback has emerged as superior or equivalent to either alternative or no treatment in many of the examined studies, suggesting it produces some effects worthy of further examination. In light of its potential to address neurobiological dysfunction directly, future research is suggested in order to refine protocols, as well as to establish effectiveness and efficacy. Potential mechanisms of neurofeedback are discussed, including global connectivity, neuroplasticity, and reinforcement of the default mode network, central executive network, and salience network.Highlights
► Neurofeedback is an alternative treatment to psychotherapy or psychopharmacology. ► This paper reviews rigorously designed RCT studies of different conditions. ► Potential mechanisms are global connectivity, plasticity and core network involvement. ► Future directions to investigate effectiveness, efficacy and mechanism are proposed.Keywords
- Neurofeedback;
- Psychopathology;
- Alternative treatment;
- Neurotherapy
16 feb 2013
Música para despertar de la demencia
http://www.elmundo.es/elmundosalud/2012/07/27/neurociencia/1343403700.html
Henry, de 94 años, aparece tranquilo sentado en su silla, sin que nada ni nadie de su alrededor pueda sacarle de su mundo. Una demencia severa le había dejado prácticamente insensible a lo que ocurría en su vida...
hasta que 'Minnie the Moocher' y otros éxitos de Cab Calloway empezaron
a sonar en sus auriculares. Para sopresa de sus cuidadores, Henry se
marcó un solo de su canción favorita y comenzó a interactuar con las personas de su alrededor.
Henry es uno de los ancianos que han participado en el proyecto de Dan Cohen, un trabajador social de Long Island (EEUU) que un buen día descubrió el efecto que tenía la música de juventud en los pacientes con demencia senil y Alzheimer avanzado. "Era como si de repente despertaran y, lo mejor, que los efectos duran después de quitarles los cascos", explica el propio Cohen en 'Alive Inside', el documental que ha realizado para explicar esta iniciativa y que se estrenará este otoño en EEUU.
"Realmente es como si la música encendiera a estos pacientes, los anima a moverse, a cantar. Es un ejemplo más de que la musicoterapia puede funcionar", asegura en el documental Oliver Sacks, famoso neurólogo y autor de, entre otros, 'El hombre que confundió a su mujer con un sombrero' o 'Musicofilia: Relatos de la música y el cerebro'.
Vistos los resultados, Cohen se ha propuesto conseguir aparatos de música para cada paciente en los que incluyan una lista de las canciones favoritas de cada uno, ya sea indicadas por el propio anciano o, de no ser posible, por sus familiares. "Hemos visto cómo la música conocida, la que marcó su juventud, es la que ofrece buenos resultados a diferencia del hilo musical, seguramente porque algo en su cabeza la reconoce y les hace salir de ese letargo", comenta una de las cuidadoras de la residencia de Henry.
De momento, 50 asilos de ancianos en 15 estados estadounidenses ya están implantando el plan de música personalizada de Cohen. "Si lo piensas, cuando llegue a estas edades también me gustaría tener la música y las películas que forman parte de mi vida, creo que esto te ayuda a no olvidar".
Henry es uno de los ancianos que han participado en el proyecto de Dan Cohen, un trabajador social de Long Island (EEUU) que un buen día descubrió el efecto que tenía la música de juventud en los pacientes con demencia senil y Alzheimer avanzado. "Era como si de repente despertaran y, lo mejor, que los efectos duran después de quitarles los cascos", explica el propio Cohen en 'Alive Inside', el documental que ha realizado para explicar esta iniciativa y que se estrenará este otoño en EEUU.
"Realmente es como si la música encendiera a estos pacientes, los anima a moverse, a cantar. Es un ejemplo más de que la musicoterapia puede funcionar", asegura en el documental Oliver Sacks, famoso neurólogo y autor de, entre otros, 'El hombre que confundió a su mujer con un sombrero' o 'Musicofilia: Relatos de la música y el cerebro'.
Vistos los resultados, Cohen se ha propuesto conseguir aparatos de música para cada paciente en los que incluyan una lista de las canciones favoritas de cada uno, ya sea indicadas por el propio anciano o, de no ser posible, por sus familiares. "Hemos visto cómo la música conocida, la que marcó su juventud, es la que ofrece buenos resultados a diferencia del hilo musical, seguramente porque algo en su cabeza la reconoce y les hace salir de ese letargo", comenta una de las cuidadoras de la residencia de Henry.
De momento, 50 asilos de ancianos en 15 estados estadounidenses ya están implantando el plan de música personalizada de Cohen. "Si lo piensas, cuando llegue a estas edades también me gustaría tener la música y las películas que forman parte de mi vida, creo que esto te ayuda a no olvidar".
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