The Self-Effacing Pattern
Jay Earley, Ph.D.
If you have the Self-Effacing Pattern, you are concerned about your impact in the world. You may feel shy and awkward in social situations, and find yourself speaking little or limiting what you say to small talk. You might also seek to avoid social situations in general, withdrawing from other people and not reaching out for connections.
You may not speak up about your own ideas, stories, or achievements, especially in group settings. In conversations, you may try to keep the focus on others, and when the spotlight lands on you, you may answer questions about yourself with sparse replies or respond awkwardly. Perhaps you are self-deprecating, making not-so-funny jokes at your own expense. You may find it very hard to receive compliments or attention gracefully, instead deflecting them and redirecting attention on others.
You may be quiet, aloof and not participate, or even avoid connecting with people. You may act as if you don't deserve to be heard or appreciated. At times, you may feel incompetent or inadequate.
Some people are also quieter by nature, but happy to be so. The Self-Effacing Pattern is more likely to apply to you if you are quiet, but unhappily so. You wish you could speak up and be recognized. You would like more connection with people and to feel like more people knew and liked the "real you."
While you can't always be sure of how others will receive you, you CAN address the beliefs inside yourself that say you are "less than" or unworthy of attention. By working to heal this Self-Effacing Pattern, you can feel confident to take risks in social settings and put yourself out without fear of being judged or ridiculed.
